Most people think that I am super confident and outgoing. Although it may come as a surprise, I can actually be quite self conscious and shy. As a child, I was extremely shy and it has taken me many years to overcome this natural tendency. I still have the worst stage fright every time I perform. It is something I am confident I will never completely overcome. Instead, I am learning to embrace it. I meditate and breathe and reach deep down in side and say to myself “this too shall pass.” It does pass, but it always comes back. The first time I got drunk, I felt the sweet taste of freedom from self doubt. For many years, alcohol became a tool I used to get on the other side of my nerves. The only problem was… I am half Italian and half English and Irish… This genetic composition does not lead to rational drinking behaviors. Although, I am not sure what genetic composition does, I am certainly pre-disposed to miss the exit for “social drinker” and turn right on “wasty face” lane. I can say with the utmost confidence 99.9% of all of the bad decisions I have made have been a result of taking a ride down this long and winding road. Isn’t it strange? We all long so badly for the sweet relief from our own consciousness. We all look for ways to get out of our heads. I have done it so many different ways, with exercise, food, boys, parties, surfing. Maybe it’s just me.. Maybe it’s the reason I’m an “artist.” But I think truly we all experience it different ways. I think it is one of the threads that weaves us all together and sadly we do more to encourage this in the world then to dispel it. Often times we hold each other down instead of lifting each other up. This happens innately because we think there is scarcity in fulfillment. If we see someone else is achieving more than we are in some perceived fashion, rarely do we feel joy for them. Instead, often times we only notice how glaringly disappointing we seem in comparison. The funny thing is, no matter who you are and what you’ve accomplished, this struggle exists. Ok maybe Deepak Chopra and Oprah don’t feel this way but for the rest of us, I think it is a struggle. Furthermore, as a society, we are so busy keeping our heads above water, we can barely even consider taking a moment to ponder our metaphysical state. I write about this because it perplexes me, and to a great degree makes me sad. I see so many wonderful, beautiful people around me. Typically, they don’t see themselves the way that I do. They don’t recognize the special fibers that weave their souls together and I wonder what it will take for them to see their individual beauty shine.. SOOO as a challenge to myself I have decided to do 3 simple things. If you like you can join me!
1. When I see someone achieve something in their life that they have worked hard for, I picture the joy they must be feeling and I congratulate them with my spirit. If any feelings of envy or self doubt creep in to the picture. I kindly ask it to instead join with me in celebrating my friend or loved ones success. It may take some practice, but soon you will love the feeling of sharing in the joy, rather then coveting it.
2. When I notice that some one is doing some thing that bothers me or starts to make me feel irritated, I ask myself what is it about that behavior that I exhibit myself. Often times the things we dislike in others are things we dislike in ourselves and it fires us up to see this on display.
3. When I think something positive about someone, I try to make sure to tell them. Give compliments. They are like hugs.
So that’s it. Those are the three simple things I am trying to do to spread more love and joy and hopefully ease my own self doubt too!